I’m writing a book

Not really. I just wanted to say I was so I could fit in.

It’s odd. I seem to know a fair few people who have recently added / are currently adding / about to add ‘author’ to their CV. I don’t know if that’s because I’m moving in circles of clever people at the moment, or whether it’s just piss-easy to write a book these days but I do know that no-ones asked me to write a book. And that’s a good thing.

It’s not that I couldn’t write a book. I’d be great at it. Obviously. It’s more that I don’t think I’d actually want to. Clearly, I wont know if that’s really true until someone asks me, but for now, the thought of spending months slaving over drafts and edits and page after page after page of text really doesn’t appeal to me. My esteemed colleague at BU – Will Goldstone – recently wrote Unity Game Development Essentials and even witnessing from afar the process he went through was tiring. (That sentence doesn’t flow very well does it? Maybe it’s just as well I’m not venturing into authoring). I’m sure he probably looks back at those months with glee-tinged glasses (that may or may not be true), and I definitely think that it’s a cool thing to have under your belt, but I wouldn’t want to do it.

Actually, I should clarify; I wouldn’t want to write a technical ‘how-to’ tutorial type of book. It’s true that the bulk of my working life is geared toward teaching students how to make stuff, and I enjoy doing it (most of the time :)). But I don’t like writing about it. I don’t know why it is, but I find it fairly tedious writing guides to things. Talking / showing = fine. Writing = dull. It’s an acknowledged failing of mine as a ‘teacher’ and one that I should probably overcome but it just doesn’t appeal to me. Don’t get it twisted, I do write notes / guides now and then.. In fact, I do enough of them to allow me to say with confidence that it’d take a lot of effort to bring myself to do it a for a whole book.

What I would like to do is write a novel, or a book about hip-hop, or an auto-biography, or a collection of random articles about stuff. You know, something worthwhile that’d stand the test of time and not be completely outdated within a year of publishing (zing). I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but I started trying to write a ‘novel’ when I was a teenager. It was awful. I think I got about 4 pages in before admitting to myself that it was shit. These days, I like to think I’d be able to take a better stab at it. I mean, there are apparently over 200,000 books published every year in the UK. That’s nearly 550 every day! If they’re allowed to do it, why can’t I(?) It doesn’t matter if no-one ever reads it – I’d just like to be on Amazon. Even Chris fucking Moyles has books out! That right there, is hope for any of us.

So basically, what we’ve learned is that I’m actually massively jealous of people who have books out, but I’m hiding it under a veil of distaste for the printed medium. It’s a charade. Kudos to people who write books. Penguin – feel free to offer me a publishing deal. Just know that the only Flash I’d ever want to write about is a Grandmaster with a Furious Five. That’ll be all.