why i’m not going to glastonbury this year

Jay-Z - diamonds in the air

I actually think that Jay-Z is a bit of an odd announcement as a headline act at Glastonbury; not because of the genre he represents or anything like that, but because I’m surprised he’d bother to perform there. As ‘legendary’ as the festival is, at the end of the day it’s a tonne of pricks in the mud isn’t it(?)

The title of this post is a tad misleading, because it implies that I normally go to Glastonbury. I don’t. Never have and doubt I ever will. Largely because of the mud (it’s not what I consider a nice weekend – fuck the ‘experience maan’), but also because of the type of people that I think go – a perception cemented by reactions to the Jay-Z announcement. Over at indie-twat bible for instance, some of the comments include the careful and considered:

“What a big load of old bollocks!!
I’ll be as far away as possible from this filth!!”

and the I-wish-it-was-a-joke-but-I-think-they’re-being-serious:

“Isn’t the spirit of Glastonbury, the experience and a sense of being one with strangers who for a time share common ideals in an unidealic world. Jay Z is a rampant capitalist and capatalism has shown to bring disparity to people through illusionary competition.”


Also, apparently ‘meg.rah15’ described the news as “tragic”, while ‘beefster’ wrote, “What a load of shite”.. If only it was tragic. Then meg.rah15 and her(?) chums could write some heartfelt poetry about the injustice of it all on their myspace pages before joining the alumni of MyDeathSpace. The world would be a better place.

Twats at V Festival 2007To be fair, there ARE a few reasonable responses to the news, but generally it’s akin to the above and that’s why I wont be going this year. I can think of little worse than being surrounded by a crowd of smelly, closed-minded, jaunty-hat/tight-jean wearing numpties walking around going “Yo! I iz Jay-Z in the house!” (and other faux-urban speak, a la Chris Moyles) because it’s just sooo hilarious yah?! Fuckwits. People who go to festivals because they want to be seen as those ‘hip’ types who embrace new, different, live music and then spend their time getting wasted and screaming the lyrics to the band’s that ‘truly represent me’ (and almost always are ‘working class’ (see here)) while throwing bottles at anybody slightly different; those people my friends, are cunts.

You know the type, loud as a motorbike, but wouldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight..

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