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Daily Mail in shit article shocker (& other news)

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone remotely familiar with England’s last great bastion of colonialism-era foreign relations, the Daily Mail (or the Daily Fail! Huh? Amirite?), that this week they caught a stack of unwanted attention for a particularly dire piece of ‘journalism’ in the form of ‘Is lovely Jo becoming just another thumbnail on the police website?‘. Actually, I say ‘unwanted attention’, but they must know the shit that they put out will get the reaction that it does. They can’t be that stupid.

Written by Liz Jones (‘femail’ journo, diarist, celebrity commentator and international fuckwit), it’s basically a ‘the last steps of Jo Yeates’ piece. I say ‘written by’, but I mean ‘spewed out like the concepts of good writing, relevance and compassion are as alien as the idea of taking a flattering photo for the masthead of your column’.

It’s Friday night and Liz is in the Ram bar where Jo “spent her last evening before she set off up the hill, past all the twinkly shops and bars (a Habitat, a Space NK beauty emporium; Bristol is nothing if not upwardly mobile) towards her death.” Hmm. OK, I’ll ignore the throwaway namedropping and the pretty twinkly shops. Also, the subtle and tactful ‘toward her death’ punctuation. She’s only getting warmed up right(?) I’m eager to find out what amazing insight that being in the same bar could possibly bring to the story(?) Will the shared location bring about some intense feeling of empathy(?)..

I wish she had spent what were probably her last hours on earth somewhere lovelier. The food is awful (I ask for a veggie burger and it comes without the burger – and without the bun!) but the young women behind the bar are sweet with huge, wary eyes.

Oh. There was no burger or bun. Fuck me. I say ‘fuck me’, but I mean ‘fuck her and her retarded idea of a story with a big sharp stick’.

The whole article is full of shit like that. It’s really quite superbly awful. I’d say that it’s Brass Eye-esque but you really couldn’t fake it. Somewhat reassuringly, the comments on the story are mostly highlighting the fact that’s a shocking piece of writing, and there’s no shortage of criticism from other outlets. But Liz Jones perseveres. The Daily Mail lives on. Oblivious.

Also in the news:

Statistics show that school uniform does not make pupils learn more

I’m sort of surprised by that actually, but I get that wearing a blazer and tie wouldn’t necessarily mean you get clever. It didn’t for me. My college uniform of hoodies and jeans > my school uniform of hideous green blazer and stripy tie. That said though, I think there’s something to be said for a ‘smart’ uniform. There’s a school I drive past on the way to work that used to have embroidered polo shirts as their educational attire, but switched to blazers and whatnot last summer. I now no longer harbour a desire to run their students over every day. Or at least, it’s lessening. They look less chavvy and feral, and genuinely seem to behave a bit better. I don’t think I’ve had an incident of sauntering in front of the car since the change (and that used to happen a lot because they’re cocky little twats).

Ricky Gervais was funny at the Golden Globes

He told some jokes, in the style of Ricky Gervais. What did they expect? It could’ve been worse(/better) apparently. I mean, I would have probably felt awkward if I’d been Tom Hanks, coming on with Tim Allen after the introduction he got, but it was funny. Tim the Toolman has no sense of humour. As demonstrated by The Santa Clause 1, 2 and 3.

Cutting sharks fins off for soup is fucking vile

Gordon Ramsay presented this documentary on Sunday night called ‘Shark Bait’ (watch in on 4oD here) that looked at the business around making shark fin soup. I’ve always thought it sounded disgusting as an idea but some of the footage that was shown of sharks being hacked up was utterly horrendous. Some of them get thrown back into the sea, alive, after having had their fins cut off. I’ve seen some horrible things online before but seeing that was really upsetting. All for a fucking soup.

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